Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
