But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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