life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
