Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
