So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
