I should be sponsored by Trojan
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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