FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
