Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
