Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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