I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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