Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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