But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
