By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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