I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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