Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
