I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
