What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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