Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
