Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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