It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
