i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They took my balls.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
