Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Green mimosas i think yes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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