I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
