bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
