now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
