I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
