what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
