is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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