I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
