So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
