Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
