I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
