thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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