and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i need some magic done to my vagina
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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