I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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