I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
