he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
