Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
