I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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