i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
