I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
