hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
