Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
