I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
