Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
