my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
