Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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