So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
