It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
