YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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