This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
