Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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