3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
