I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
