I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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